Last night, I went to my second salsa class.
We started learning how to turn.

In salsa, the man usually leads and the woman follows.
Simple enough in theory.

But when it was time for my partner to turn me, I kept moving ahead, turning myself before he could even guide me.
We kept missing the beat.

At one point, he smiled and said:
“It’s kind of hard to turn you.”

I laughed. But inside? I felt a little exposed.

Because the truth is—I’m so used to leading.
In my career, in my business, in my home… in every corner of my life.

Even when I don’t realize it, I’m trying to stay two steps ahead.
Because somewhere deep down, I equate surrender with danger.
So I stay on high alert. Always.

🕺🏻This Isn’t Just About Salsa

When my marriage was ending—after my ex had moved out and cut ties—even then, I was still trying to control the outcome.

Not by begging or chasing.
But by proving I was right.
Trying to show him, through every negotiation and every conversation, that walking away from our family was a mistake.

Looking back now, I can see:
It may have looked like I was fighting for the marriage.
But really?
I was fighting for control.

Trying to rewrite the ending.
Trying to soothe the part of me that didn’t want to feel powerless.

🧑🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩How It Shows Up in Dating

A similar pattern of control also appears in dating.

My inner dialogues sound like:

“Let me prove I’m good enough.”
“Let me help so you can see my worth.”

It looks like people-pleasing.
Self-abandoning.
Bending myself over backwards to prove my value… so he will choose me.

Not sure about you, but I’m exhausted just reading that list.

And that’s what control often leads to.
Not connection.
🥱 Disconnection and exhaustion.

❓A Question for You

I know I’m not alone in this.

👉 Maybe your partner just left, and you’re still hoping they’ll come back.
👉 Maybe you’re stuck in the “Should I stay or go?” loop, afraid of what either choice might mean.
👉 Maybe you're dealing with a high-conflict divorce and constantly walking on eggshells.
👉 Or maybe the divorce is over… but the pain is still raw, and you’re doing everything you can to make sense of it all.

If that’s you, I invite you to sit with this question (and yes, write it down if you can):

“Where in my life am I trying to control?
And what might shift if I allowed myself—even for a moment—to soften that grip?”

🙋🏻‍♀️I’m Learning Alongside You

One awkward salsa step at a time, I’m learning that surrender isn’t weakness.
❌It’s not giving up.
❌It’s not losing.

✅It’s softening.
✅It’s courage.
✅It’s trust.

And sometimes (at least for me), it’s the only way forward.

With love and rhythm,
Lisa